What do I want..
.
I think I know, but I don't know if my expectations are too high. If I can find such a person in my surroundings.
.
If I can't, I'll wait. It's just not worth it falling for the wrong person out of need.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Destination Unknown
Me and my friend were going dancing tonight, but we ended up at a bar, having a very interesting conversation with a couple there.
.
I hope tomorrow to actually dance, but tonight was hella fun.
.
I'm so used to talking to myself that it took me a while to realize that now I have people to talk to.
.
#sugoisugoi
.
Going to sleep. Lots to do today.
.
I hope tomorrow to actually dance, but tonight was hella fun.
.
I'm so used to talking to myself that it took me a while to realize that now I have people to talk to.
.
#sugoisugoi
.
Going to sleep. Lots to do today.
Friday, May 21, 2010
0800-health
I keep forgetting I have this thing u.u
.
Oh well...
.
My hand hurts, I scratched it, looks ugly, but kinda cool.
.
#freakyeahwhatever
.
I'm almost healthy again #yae\o/
.
Not completely, but almost. I have a few papers to do that are giving me a headache, but I can't wait to see the final result.
.
And whenever I fall at your feet, do let your tears rain down on me... love this song.
.
I'm not going to the #hellmouth this weekend [like I give a shit], cause of the papers. And next weekend I won't either. I have class, on a beautiful saturday morning [better than #hellmouth at least].
.
I wanna go dancing saturday. I really #really really do. I miss getting wasted and dancing like there's no tomorrow u.u
.
I dunno, nothing special to say, I've been just plain sick the last few days. Barely been to class at all. But at least I'm here, not #there. That's all the good news I need.
.
And I'm confused, I guess.
.
Nah, not really, I'm just needy. So everything looks hella good for me u.u
.
But it really isn't. I just gotta keep that in mind.
.
Oh yeah, I've watched Alice. It sucks =_=. Great acting, great directing, great make-up and wardrobe, but #lamelamelame story u.u'
.
Going to bed, coughing like a bitch.
.
#nightie
.
Oh well...
.
My hand hurts, I scratched it, looks ugly, but kinda cool.
.
#freakyeahwhatever
.
I'm almost healthy again #yae\o/
.
Not completely, but almost. I have a few papers to do that are giving me a headache, but I can't wait to see the final result.
.
And whenever I fall at your feet, do let your tears rain down on me... love this song.
.
I'm not going to the #hellmouth this weekend [like I give a shit], cause of the papers. And next weekend I won't either. I have class, on a beautiful saturday morning [better than #hellmouth at least].
.
I wanna go dancing saturday. I really #really really do. I miss getting wasted and dancing like there's no tomorrow u.u
.
I dunno, nothing special to say, I've been just plain sick the last few days. Barely been to class at all. But at least I'm here, not #there. That's all the good news I need.
.
And I'm confused, I guess.
.
Nah, not really, I'm just needy. So everything looks hella good for me u.u
.
But it really isn't. I just gotta keep that in mind.
.
Oh yeah, I've watched Alice. It sucks =_=. Great acting, great directing, great make-up and wardrobe, but #lamelamelame story u.u'
.
Going to bed, coughing like a bitch.
.
#nightie
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Conversations with dead people
Test went okay, I think. It was easier than I would've expect it.
.
Was going to watch Alice, but me and Paty decided to go to Augusta instead. Ate and drank in a cute little place called Athenas. We talked for hours.
.
Tomorrow we're going dancing. At least, that's what I hope we're doing u.u
.
I'm really tired. Went to bed almost 4 am last night. Studying? Nope. Watching friends and chatting. Shame on me u.u. I'm gonna go to bed now. Just wanted to update this thing first.
.
Got some things in my head, but I'm not sure I want to talk about it.
.
The good thing about thinking and writing in english is that no one will read this. But still, tonight I'm kinda dosed.
.
I'm not sure what I want right now. I wish I could.. But I can't. I don't even know if I want to. Or if it's time. If I'm ready.
.
I just miss some things. And those are hard things to get back.
.
Maybe I'll just say screw it all and let it go for one night. I'll probably regreat it. I wish I wasn't such a hopeless romantic. It would make my life a hell lot easier, that's for sure u.u
.
But whatever. Maybe, if I'm happy enough, and drunk enough, attracted enough... who knows. I'll just wait and see.
.
Was going to watch Alice, but me and Paty decided to go to Augusta instead. Ate and drank in a cute little place called Athenas. We talked for hours.
.
Tomorrow we're going dancing. At least, that's what I hope we're doing u.u
.
I'm really tired. Went to bed almost 4 am last night. Studying? Nope. Watching friends and chatting. Shame on me u.u. I'm gonna go to bed now. Just wanted to update this thing first.
.
Got some things in my head, but I'm not sure I want to talk about it.
.
The good thing about thinking and writing in english is that no one will read this. But still, tonight I'm kinda dosed.
.
I'm not sure what I want right now. I wish I could.. But I can't. I don't even know if I want to. Or if it's time. If I'm ready.
.
I just miss some things. And those are hard things to get back.
.
Maybe I'll just say screw it all and let it go for one night. I'll probably regreat it. I wish I wasn't such a hopeless romantic. It would make my life a hell lot easier, that's for sure u.u
.
But whatever. Maybe, if I'm happy enough, and drunk enough, attracted enough... who knows. I'll just wait and see.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Memoir
I've lost the habit of posting, of writting, of marking.
.
I forget I even own a blog anymore.
.
Okay, it's new... understandable.
.
But, with my so-called memory I should probably keep records of my life, my thoughts, especially because they might slip away from me in a few weeks, months...
.
My doctor said I might not even have the fucking thing, but the attack still messed up my brain pretty bad.
.
It sucks not to remember. At the same time it's a blessing. The timing was, I must say, perfect u.u
.
Not to remember details of it, of them, of everything. It helped.
.
But still...
.
I miss some of my memories. People come to me and say "hey, do you remember that time, when we were young and...". I don't remember anymore. And when I do, is like I'm having a memory of a movie with me in it. I remember the event, but I don't remember any feelings or thoughts or sensations. It's like I wasn't there. A stolen memory of someone just like me.
.
It's weird. And quite annoying.
.
Sometimes I wish I could take so much back. But, if I did, maybe I wouldn't be who I am today. No, I probably wouldn't. I like who I am now. I wish I could take it all back, but still have my current inner self.
.
Impossible, though.
.
It's okay, I've learned to live with it. I guess. It still hurt pretty bad from time to time. But I manage. I'm no beginner at pain related subjects. But, whatever.
.
I'm used to talking to myself. I do that a lot. Okay, all the time. It's weird to put my thoughts into coherent sentences, or as coherent as they can be, at least u.u
.
But it's nice, I guess. Maybe in a few months I'll read this and think to myself "crazy bitch, what da hell were you talking about". I certainly hope so.
.
I should be studying right now. Yet, I'm not u.u Typical
.
I really regreat my scars. I wish I hadn't done 'em. Not just for the obvious reasons, but because people stare, and ask, and wonder, and joke. I wish I could hide 'em, but I'm so used to it that I forget all about them, until someone starts pointing at it with huge eyes.
.
But there's nothing I can do now.
.
Sometimes I wonder what drove me there. But then I remember. I'm scared of it. I don't ever wanna go back to that place. Those 5/6 years really screwed me up, for good. I'm better now, most definetely, but I don't know what I would do if I had to return to that point. I can't take misery now that I've known happiness. Before, misery, despair, depression, it was all just part of my day, trivial even. Sometimes it was bad, others, really bad. But now I'm actually happy, and looking forward to having a life, and actually living.
.
I can barely visit them without losing my mind. If I could, I'd never, ever, ever, come back. For anything at all. I'd just leave it all behind, gladly.
.
But I can't, not yet, anyway. At least it's just a few days of darkness this time. Compared to 24/7 I'm in heaven.
.
Well, now I'm just stretching too much. I've updated this thing, that's all I needed.
.
I need to go to bed, I have a test tomorrow [that I will most certainly fail, tw u.u]
.
Note to self: STUDY NEXT TIME YOU STUPID CUNT!
.
Little harsh, maybe. But it might get me to do it ['might' being the word of the moment].
.
Anyway. Okay, diary stuff. Nails, hair, art's history paper. no study. #tsktsk
.
Done.
.
I forget I even own a blog anymore.
.
Okay, it's new... understandable.
.
But, with my so-called memory I should probably keep records of my life, my thoughts, especially because they might slip away from me in a few weeks, months...
.
My doctor said I might not even have the fucking thing, but the attack still messed up my brain pretty bad.
.
It sucks not to remember. At the same time it's a blessing. The timing was, I must say, perfect u.u
.
Not to remember details of it, of them, of everything. It helped.
.
But still...
.
I miss some of my memories. People come to me and say "hey, do you remember that time, when we were young and...". I don't remember anymore. And when I do, is like I'm having a memory of a movie with me in it. I remember the event, but I don't remember any feelings or thoughts or sensations. It's like I wasn't there. A stolen memory of someone just like me.
.
It's weird. And quite annoying.
.
Sometimes I wish I could take so much back. But, if I did, maybe I wouldn't be who I am today. No, I probably wouldn't. I like who I am now. I wish I could take it all back, but still have my current inner self.
.
Impossible, though.
.
It's okay, I've learned to live with it. I guess. It still hurt pretty bad from time to time. But I manage. I'm no beginner at pain related subjects. But, whatever.
.
I'm used to talking to myself. I do that a lot. Okay, all the time. It's weird to put my thoughts into coherent sentences, or as coherent as they can be, at least u.u
.
But it's nice, I guess. Maybe in a few months I'll read this and think to myself "crazy bitch, what da hell were you talking about". I certainly hope so.
.
I should be studying right now. Yet, I'm not u.u Typical
.
I really regreat my scars. I wish I hadn't done 'em. Not just for the obvious reasons, but because people stare, and ask, and wonder, and joke. I wish I could hide 'em, but I'm so used to it that I forget all about them, until someone starts pointing at it with huge eyes.
.
But there's nothing I can do now.
.
Sometimes I wonder what drove me there. But then I remember. I'm scared of it. I don't ever wanna go back to that place. Those 5/6 years really screwed me up, for good. I'm better now, most definetely, but I don't know what I would do if I had to return to that point. I can't take misery now that I've known happiness. Before, misery, despair, depression, it was all just part of my day, trivial even. Sometimes it was bad, others, really bad. But now I'm actually happy, and looking forward to having a life, and actually living.
.
I can barely visit them without losing my mind. If I could, I'd never, ever, ever, come back. For anything at all. I'd just leave it all behind, gladly.
.
But I can't, not yet, anyway. At least it's just a few days of darkness this time. Compared to 24/7 I'm in heaven.
.
Well, now I'm just stretching too much. I've updated this thing, that's all I needed.
.
I need to go to bed, I have a test tomorrow [that I will most certainly fail, tw u.u]
.
Note to self: STUDY NEXT TIME YOU STUPID CUNT!
.
Little harsh, maybe. But it might get me to do it ['might' being the word of the moment].
.
Anyway. Okay, diary stuff. Nails, hair, art's history paper. no study. #tsktsk
.
Done.
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